“For me prayer is an upward leap of the heart, an untroubled glance toward heaven, a cry of gratitude and love which I utter from the depths of sorrow as well as from the heights of joy.” - Saint Thérèse of Lisieux
Becoming Students of Prayer
In my short time in the seminary, heard many perspectives on the central component of priestly ministry. Some see it as acting as the minister of the sacraments, while others believe that social justice issues must have priority. The different perspectives are too numerous to list here; but, I think a trusted priest mentor of mine had the right idea when I asked him his perspective: “Matt, the priest does many things in the parish and all of them are key to the faith life of believers. But all these ministries, all of these layers in the life of the faithful grow from a single place. The priest must teach his people how to pray. Through that they enter more deeply into the sacraments and they draw closer to one another. It is through prayer that they tap into the dwelling place of God within them; it is through prayer that they come to know God and realize their identity as beloved children of our Heavenly Father.”
But every teacher of prayer is also a student of prayer. We all, like the Apostles, cry out “Lord, teach us how to pray.” No matter how advanced in the spiritual life they might be, I have yet to meet someone who is fully satisfied with their prayer life.
The Essence of Prayer
Why is it that we all feel that we are lacking in the spiritual life? The reason is simple. Prayer is about a relationship, and relationships are never done developing. I sometimes wonder if the word 'prayer' scares people off, thinking that it is something reserved for priests and religious sisters. The beauty of prayer is that it is something that is accessible to all of us. Prayer is simply a matter of spending time with God, of sharing your life with your love. St. Teresa of Avila notes that “prayer is nothing else than a close sharing between friends; it means taking time frequently to be alone with Him who we know loves us.”
This is difficult for us to understand because, admittedly, our relationship with God can seem less real than our relationship with a spouse or a friend. It is important for us, therefore, to explore ways that we can make this relationship more real to all of us, whether a priest or a married person, whether the Pope or a child.
The Conversational Model of Prayer
I want to offer a framework, a method of approaching prayer, which will hopefully help the conversational dimension of prayer become more real for you. To remember this technique, all you need to do is remember the acronym A.R.R.R. This stands for:
Acknowledge. Relate. Receive. Respond
Just like in any conversation, we must begin with something to talk about. When we acknowledge, we pay attention to our interior experiences, whether in general or in regard to a specific issue. When I say interior experiences, I am speaking of our thoughts, feelings, and desires. These are three important aspects of who we are. Through them, God can plant a seed within us that can grow to Divine Life. Conversely, the devil can use them to plant a seed within us that separates us from Divine Life. That is why it is incredibly important for us to acknowledge these interior experiences.
Next, we relate these interior experiences to God as we would to a friend. There is no need for lofty language or elaborate schemes, simply tell God what is on your heart as simply as you would to a friend or a spouse. Important in any relationship is that you present yourself as you are – the same is true in your relationship with God.
Now that we have shared our heart with God, it is His turn in the conversation. It is important that we now receive what He has to say to us. Many of us will find this to be the hardest part because it requires patience. You’ve done the talking, now stop and wait – listen for the voice of God. This can come in many forms: an interior understanding, the wise counsel of a good friend, or maybe a song lyric that gets stuck in your head. God knows how He needs to speak to you in order for you to hear Him, so trust in Him and become receptive to His voice.
The dialogue between God and you continues as you now respond to Him. Sometimes this will be, “Thank you God, this issue is much clearer now.” Sometimes it might be, “Oh come on, God. Give me a break!” And other times you may say, “I have no idea what you’re trying to tell me.” The important thing is that you are honest.
The A.R.R.R. technique is just one model of prayer, but it gets at the foundational element that is essential to prayer – conversation. We must always remember that prayer is directed towards deepening our relationship with the One who knit you in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13).